May 11, 2015
I met up with James an hour before the event and he was completely covered in feces. Seems that he tried to make a faux tux out of whatever poop (human/horse/dog/misc) he could find on hand. He was crying a lot because the woman he was supposedly married to for 20 years did not even show nor did any of his family. I felt bad for James because he stunk so bad and he didn't seem to understand that when you rub miscellaneous doo doo in your eyes, not only are you most definitely going to get pink eye but it's also going to burn. I think there might be something wrong with James. His shopping cart was full of old underpants and used diapers and his anniversary location (under a bridge overpass) was less than ideal. All the tables were made out of cardboard boxes, I think the wine was just "trucker bombs" (hence the pee breath) and the only guests that did show up might have been homeless. I never did get my money from James but his scam sure did make for good posting material. As I walked away, I looked over my shoulder to see James being gang raped by some stray tigers and I shed a small tear. Not for James, but for the tigers who would most certainly contract pink eye in the next few days.